I've got my hairspray and radio, I'm ready to go.

Tuesday was a boring day, y'all. I was let go and rehired from that job I mentioned having and (finally) liking, but I haven't been scheduled back on yet and so my days are filled with watching things in bed. On Tuesday, I watched The Dish & the Spoon, Lola Versus (both Greta Gerwig movies because duh), The Outsiders for the first time!, and maybe something else that I can't remember right now because Tuesday was a very long time ago. In the midst of all of this, I asked two boys to hang out with me and one of them couldn't :/ and one of them didn't answer for like seven hours, but then couldn't :/ :/ (unrelated: I am never ever asking a boy to hang out with me ever again); I also looked at grad schools, applied to live-in nanny jobs in New York, and decided I wanted to go to Baltimore. I didn't decide to do this until too late on Tuesday, though, so Wednesday it was! It was a nice trip. And my phone died before I left, but I wasn't panicked whatsoever about finding my way home. Now I want to plan one hundred more daytrips.

I loved Winona Ryder's portrayal of you in Beetlejuice.

Hi, everyone, hiiiiiiii! The last two things I wrote were BUMMERS, sorry, but I am feeling okay! But I am also feeling like I don't want to write. A lot of stuff happened, though! I turned sixty-three years old, I went to a Young Statues show and was hugged approximately four thousand times, I graduated from college next to a boy I'd never met during my four and a half years there and now we are best friends, a cunty waitress stole $2 from me, I ate lots and lots of food, like, way too much food, please help me out of bed, I am so full, and I saw Frances Ha! I already wrote a thing about even the TRAILER (Bummer Post #1, it was!), so I won't write another thing about the whole MOVIE, but it was perfect and I relate and what am I doing with my life, still, you guys? Guys?????????????????????????????? Guys!

the top, left photo is from Joe's Instagram and the middle, right photo is from Ashley's!

Control, control, control.

Wednesday is my twenty-ninth birthday and I kind of plan on spending it alone? I've been told that last week's post was a bummer, and maybe the opening of this one sounds like a bummer as well, but I like being alone and whatever! For years, I would throw myself weekend- or month-long birthday celebrations, but I never actually gave a hell. Aging is scary, and with all of the death my family has been experiencing lately (and the very little anything happening in my dumb life), my birthday this year feels a little bit :/ But I'm happy to have my special day with my special self and the special things I have planned for special me, so.

I could part Ezra Koenig's hair all day.

Today is Monday and it's 8:38pm. I watched the above video a few times and have been reading this interview with its writers and director and star, and then my roommate began piping through my cracked-open bedroom door with his singing and guitaring and feelings crept in along with the songs. There's a bit of dialogue in Frances Ha shown in the trailer where a man asks Greta Gerwig's character what she does and she remarks how difficult it is to explain what it is that she does (for a living, they mean) because she doesn't do it and just that small five seconds of something has ruined my whole month. I can't stop thinking about that answer. SUMMED UP: "What do you do for a living?" "I don't." What a fucking answer.

My grandpop died two Fridays ago, hours before my first, like, ~date-from-the-Internet~. Both things were weird and both things had an air of unexpectedness about them and both things have left me feeling like a butt. I don't know why my grandpop never cared to know me before, or why Internet Boy was interested and then vague and then nothing and then a 4am text about baseball and then nothing again, or why someone would tease at the prospect of kissing for months only to easily kiss+ someone I confided in about that (or why that person would do that either), or why my mother never ever ever ever visits me. I don't know what it is about me that urges others to ignore me or trick me, or how I can fix whatever it is that makes me easily hurt.

Anyway, I need to shut up and start writing. I spend too much time turning off Facebook event notifications.