Tuesday was a boring day, y'all. I was let go and rehired from that job I mentioned having and (finally) liking, but I haven't been scheduled back on yet and so my days are filled with watching things in bed. On Tuesday, I watched The Dish & the Spoon, Lola Versus (both Greta Gerwig movies because duh), The Outsiders for the first time!, and maybe something else that I can't remember right now because Tuesday was a very long time ago. In the midst of all of this, I asked two boys to hang out with me and one of them couldn't :/ and one of them didn't answer for like seven hours, but then couldn't :/ :/ (unrelated: I am never ever asking a boy to hang out with me ever again); I also looked at grad schools, applied to live-in nanny jobs in New York, and decided I wanted to go to Baltimore. I didn't decide to do this until too late on Tuesday, though, so Wednesday it was! It was a nice trip. And my phone died before I left, but I wasn't panicked whatsoever about finding my way home. Now I want to plan one hundred more daytrips.
Hi, everyone, hiiiiiiii! The last two things I wrote were BUMMERS, sorry, but I am feeling okay! But I am also feeling like I don't want to write. A lot of stuff happened, though! I turned sixty-three years old, I went to a Young Statues show and was hugged approximately four thousand times, I graduated from college next to a boy I'd never met during my four and a half years there and now we are best friends, a cunty waitress stole $2 from me, I ate lots and lots of food, like, way too much food, please help me out of bed, I am so full, and I saw Frances Ha! I already wrote a thing about even the TRAILER (Bummer Post #1, it was!), so I won't write another thing about the whole MOVIE, but it was perfect and I relate and what am I doing with my life, still, you guys? Guys?????????????????????????????? Guys!
the top, left photo is from Joe's Instagram and the middle, right photo is from Ashley's!
Wednesday is my twenty-ninth birthday and I kind of plan on spending it alone? I've been told that last week's post was a bummer, and maybe the opening of this one sounds like a bummer as well, but I like being alone and whatever! For years, I would throw myself weekend- or month-long birthday celebrations, but I never actually gave a hell. Aging is scary, and with all of the death my family has been experiencing lately (and the very little anything happening in my dumb life), my birthday this year feels a little bit :/ But I'm happy to have my special day with my special self and the special things I have planned for special me, so.
Today is Monday and it's 8:38pm. I watched the above video a few times and have been reading this interview with its writers and director and star, and then my roommate began piping through my cracked-open bedroom door with his singing and guitaring and feelings crept in along with the songs. There's a bit of dialogue in Frances Ha shown in the trailer where a man asks Greta Gerwig's character what she does and she remarks how difficult it is to explain what it is that she does (for a living, they mean) because she doesn't do it and just that small five seconds of something has ruined my whole month. I can't stop thinking about that answer. SUMMED UP: "What do you do for a living?" "I don't." What a fucking answer.
My grandpop died two Fridays ago, hours before my first, like, ~date-from-the-Internet~. Both things were weird and both things had an air of unexpectedness about them and both things have left me feeling like a butt. I don't know why my grandpop never cared to know me before, or why Internet Boy was interested and then vague and then nothing and then a 4am text about baseball and then nothing again, or why someone would tease at the prospect of kissing for months only to easily kiss+ someone I confided in about that (or why that person would do that either), or why my mother never ever ever ever visits me. I don't know what it is about me that urges others to ignore me or trick me, or how I can fix whatever it is that makes me easily hurt.
Anyway, I need to shut up and start writing. I spend too much time turning off Facebook event notifications.